Podcast Episode 47 – Accepting Yourself “As Is”

Jul 1, 2023 | Podcast

I’m Diana Swillinger, and this is the Renew Your Mind Podcast Episode 47 Accepting Yourself “As Is”. 

DIANA: Hey. Hey, what’s up, everybody? I’m in a really good mood today because my husband and I are going to spend the weekend together coming up, so really looking forward to that. I also just read a really nice review that someone left for this podcast on itunes. If you haven’t left a review yet, please go do it. It really helps spread the Renew Your Mind movement, and I know that you know that there’s many women out there who need to hear about these tools and the concepts that I’m teaching you. So please leave a review that helps to, uh, make it more accessible to other people. They’re more likely to find it when they’re searching itunes for podcasts to listen to and also share it. Share it to your friends. Tell them to give it a listen. 


But the review that I want to read to you, that I just read was from Narwhal Alexa. This is what Narwhal Alexa said. Wow. um, must listen. Diana provides practical advice and reality checks in a compassionate and straightforward way. I’m recommending her to all my friends that struggle with self esteem and negative self talk, which, let’s face it, is most of us. This show will inspire you to regain control of your thoughts and take back your life. And then there’s three heart emojis. Thank you so much, Narwhal Alexa, for that amazing review. And thanks to everyone else who’s left a review too. You’re helping. You’re helping spread the renew your mind movement. Let’s do it. 


All right, on to today’s topic. I love to notice common themes with the women that I’m coaching and then bring them here to the podcast because I can pretty much rely on them to be an indication of something that a lot of women are working through. And I know then that it will resonate with my listeners. So that’s how I decided this topic. I’ve been helping women in this area a lot recently. Also, it’s kind of along the lines of two of my most popular podcast episodes, which are how to Love Yourself and Accepting What is how to Love Yourself is a popular listen because we’re so busy not loving ourselves and we feel it. We notice all the self judgment we have for ourselves. Then we know that loving ourselves is going to be more pleasurable than criticizing ourselves. And we’re craving loving ourselves, but we just don’t know how to do it. And accepting what is was an episode about being okay with and accepting whatever is going on around us in the world. Learning not to resist it. Learning not to feel terrible when things around us aren’t the way we’d prefer. And even admitting maybe we’re wrong about what’s best. Maybe the way things are or aren’t. Maybe that’s all the way it’s supposed to be. And what’s the alternative to accepting it? Rejecting it, which creates pain for yourself. So those two episodes, if you combine them and they had a baby, that’s going to be this episode. Accepting yourself as is just like accepting what is is about not resisting what’s going on around us and not thinking it should be different. 


Accepting yourself is not resisting who you are and not thinking you should be different. Because here’s what happens when we resist things around us. We feel frustrated, we feel irritated. It’s the same thing when we do it for ourselves. We resist how we are today, who we are today, how we show up. We think we’re doing it wrong and we create more discomfort for ourselves. We’re frustrated and irritated with ourselves. That feels icky. And it seems to be a very common struggle for the women. I help, but I think just people in general displeasure with what is and resistance to what is in the world and with ourselves. I think part of it is because God made us to desire perfection. We have this longing for his eternal kingdom where everything is reconciled. There’s lots of love, relationships work. We’re not mad at each other. We’re filled with compassion and everything’s beautiful. We long for that when everything’s clicking and working together in harmony. And today, here on Earth, it doesn’t feel that way. And then we just wish things were different. We wish there wasn’t discord. We wish we were perfect and never made mistakes. We wish we always felt peace. So I think it’s worth noting that it’s normal and healthy for us to long for this harmony of everyone getting along. So accepting what is isn’t just being like discord is okay. We’re not saying that. We’re just noticing. That is what is happening here for us on Earth. 


But we are supposed to long for that like minded perfection that will come m in all eternity. I also believe that we’re supposed to have discomfort when things aren’t working in perfection. We don’t like feeling uncomfortable, but we’re actually supposed to have some disappointment on Earth. We’re supposed to feel the void of the things that have not come to fruition yet. We’re supposed to grieve. We’re supposed to feel disconnection sometimes. That’s normal. What isn’t healthy is resisting who we are. Resisting where we’re at. Criticizing ourselves and shaming ourselves when we’re not doing our best. This isn’t the place of perfection that hasn’t happened yet. This isn’t the place of completion. This isn’t the place of perfect harmony. Our time on Earth, let’s face it, it’s the place of suffering and trials. Why have you thought about why? Do you ever think about that? Do you ever remind yourself why this place is filled with suffering and trials? I think you should think about that. I think you should decide why that’s the case. Because knowing this is going to be a game changer in your life. I believe that suffering and trials are all part of God’s plan for us to rely on Him. Challenges are the place where we practice faith and grow in our trust. Trials are the place we can lean into being patient and long suffering and allow for spiritual maturing and emotional maturing. As humans in an imperfect world where we’re all going to face trials and pain, we get to grow emotionally, we get to grow in love, we get to grow in compassion and so much more. But I’m going to be focusing on those today. 


God is all about love and compassion, and in our spiritual maturing, we’re encouraged to become more Christlike as we grow. And that means having more love and compassion. And you know where the best place to start is? It’s m with yourself. With you. Because the better you get at having love and compassion for you, the better you get at having love and compassion for all the people in your life and anyone you encounter as you go through life. If you want to get better at having love and compassion for other people, start with you. And when you do, life is more enjoyable anyway, because, remember, you’re not frustrated and irritated with yourself all the time. So if you want to have love and compassion for yourself, you need to learn to accept you as is. I think of the clearance sections at the store. I like to poke around those end caps, see what’s there, what’s left, what did nobody buy yet? What was returned? And a lot of the items there have that sticker on them that says as is. You’ve got the pajama set that well, it’s not really a set because the pants are missing. You’ve got the electric mixer that says, not all the attachments are here, the whisking attachments missing. Or there’s that pack of six socks, but there’s only five in the pack. And I don’t know if it helps of you to think of it that way. It helps me when I think of us kind of being like as is. People are as is. None of us are perfect. Not all of us have all our socks. They’ve gone in the black hole in the dryer, by the way. Anyway, as is. Sometimes I’m impatient. My body has some malfunction or, you know, something’s not working properly, or I have aches and pains, or sometimes I don’t make my bed, or I say something that wasn’t really well thought out, or maybe it wasn’t totally nice. I get an as is sticker. I still have value, but I’m as is. I’m imperfect and I’m okay with that. Are you okay with that? Are you okay with being as is? Accepting yourself as is? Is being okay that we’re one sock short or the whisk attachment is missing? But I just went back to that first example with the PAJ JAMA set. I hope you’re wearing pants. 


All right, but what is it for you think about it. Do you not clean your house every week? Do you not function well unless you have 10 hours of sleep? Do you not sleep well? Do you get distracted? Do you daydream? Are you too scheduled? Are you not scheduled enough? What is it about you that can be as is and you can be okay with? And like I’ve said before, m. What’s the alternative? Like I’m asking you to be okay with it. What’s the alternative to that? The alternative to being okay with you as is. Not being okay with you as is. Let’s talk about that then. What’s that like? I’ll tell you what it’s like. When you are not okay with you as is, you will have resentment for yourself. This is going to happen because not being okay with you as is is like having a list of expectations of what you should be like and how you should do things, and then using that to judge yourself for not measuring up. And when we don’t measure up and we don’t meet our expectations, same thing that happens when other people don’t meet our expectations. We feel resentment. But this time, it’s directed to yourself. When you don’t accept you as is, you resent you. What else? When you don’t accept you as is, you might feel shame. Shame is going to happen when you think you should be a certain way or do things a certain way. And when you don’t, you think, something’s wrong with me. Every time you think something is wrong with me, you will feel shame. And when you don’t accept you as is, you might also feel discouraged. This happens when you think, what’s the point? I’ll never be good enough. I’m never going to do it right. What’s the point? And you feel discouraged. There are more, but these are some of the main thoughts and emotions you’re going to have. And thoughts, uh, you’re going to have, and emotions you’re going to feel when you don’t accept you as is. And you can choose that if you want. You can. I won’t be bothered if you do. I won’t judge you if you do. You can totally do that. It’s your choice. 


If you like to feel resentment for yourself, if you like to feel shame, if you like to feel discouraged, here’s how to do it. Don’t accept you as you are and then just own it. Live in that space and know that you’re creating that experience by choosing to reject you instead of accepting you. And now you know. Now you know what’s going to happen if you do that. But if you don’t want to do that, there is an alternative. And the alternative is accepting yourself as is an imperfect person, just the way it’s supposed to be. On this imperfect planet, filled with opportunity to grow and mature spiritually and emotionally and rely on God, it’s supposed to be this way. This is how God always planned it to unfold. Do you want to step into that and embrace it? When you accept yourself as is, instead of feeling resentment, you get to feel compassion. Instead of feeling shame, you get to feel confident. Instead of feeling discouraged, you can feel hope. Doesn’t that sound so much better? Isn’t that a better experience than rejecting yourself? And this is the point where I typically get asked, but how? How do I do that? Diana? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s a process. It’s not like, I’m going to tell you a few things today, and instantly you’re going to be totally accepting yourself as is. If you’re rejecting yourself, learning to accept yourself is an intentional shift, which you can make that shift today in how you think. But then you need to keep working at it and developing it, and it takes some time. 


I encourage you to embrace this as a journey to accepting you, and I promise it is a journey worth doing. My dear friend Kamara summarizes this in one word. I don’t think she came up with it. Uh, maybe she did. She’s brilliant. But the word is becoming. Becoming. It’s a journey. It’s a journey to accepting you. It’s a journey in growing and becoming more Christlike and learning. It’s a journey worth doing. What you’re hearing in this episode is not going to solve it in the moment. But if you are in for the journey, you can start by using these practices on a regular basis and start learning to accept you just as you are, as is. I’m going to give you some practical tools, but the tools are about believing it. There’s actually nothing you need to do or anything you need to stop doing to accept yourself as you are. Today you are completely lovable. Today, you are acceptable just as you are. And you might not believe it yet, but even believing that I might be right about that, or that it’s possible to accept you just as you are, just knowing it could be true, maybe is a critical first step to accepting yourself. I know it’s possible because there are other people, imperfect people, who accept themselves just as they are. I accept me as I am, flaws and all. It is possible. Here are some practical steps you can start doing to connect with you right where you’re at. Three ways. There notice what you love about you. Then this one’s fun. Talk to yourself in the mirror. And lastly, check in with yourself each day. So I’m going to walk you through these. First one, notice what you love about you. This one’s short and simple. You know how people practice gratitude by writing down what they’re grateful for each day. They call it a gratitude practice, and then they start to feel gratitude. Well, you can do this with what you love about you each day in a notebook or in your daily planner, or on a piece of paper by your nightstand or wherever it makes sense to you. Write down at least two things you love about you and try not to repeat the same things every day. Now, sometimes you’re going to repeat things, so that’s totally fine. 


But just try to think of new things, because I promise you, there’s a lot to love about you. To get your brain going, I’m going to give you just some things I love about me. Just a quick random list. I talk to strangers. I love that about me. I appreciate flowers. Love it. I like to give. I’m creative. I have a good singing voice. I love God. I care about improving my life. I want to be a good example to my kids. I make a delicious turkey and dumpling soup. I’m good at word games. I’m sarcastic. It can be anything. There’s nothing too big, nothing too small. Just things mhm you love about you. The reason this exercise is so important is that our brains tend to give extra weight to the negative things. This is proven in psychology. Our brains love to notice what’s wrong. So this is deliberately training our brain to look for the good what’s lovable and it’s bringing balance to the picture. Yeah. You’re an imperfect person, and there’s tons of amazing things about you. Let’s get some balance here. In order to accept you as is, we’ve got to notice the good stuff too. All right, next one is talk to yourself in the mirror. That’s so fun. If m you have been unaccepting of you or disappointed with you, I’m guessing you might not want to look yourself in the eye. A lot of people find this uncomfortable. Have you noticed, like, if I’m working through thoughts about my husband, if I feel some displeasure with him or something, or I’m frustrated, I’ll avoid eye contact. Have you done that? You know what I mean? We do that with ourselves, but it’s a lot harder to notice because we just avert our eyes when there’s a mirror and we otherwise, we don’t really have to do this, so just try it every day. Go to a mirror, look yourself in the eye and see what it feels like for you when you look yourself in the eye. Notice what you think, connect with you. Pay attention. 


Start there and then once you’re used to looking at you. One of my favorite things to assign to my clients is to say hi to themselves in the mirror by name. So me doing it, I go in the bathroom or in my bedroom. I look in the mirror in my eyes, and I say, Hi, Diana, and m I smile. For some people, this is enough to start with, because it can be awkward to look at yourself in the eye and acknowledge yourself. This is how we acknowledge people. We look each other in the eyes. My cat does this. I walk in the room, he looks me in the eyes. We have a little eye conversation. We’re acknowledging each other’s presence. I see you. So look yourself in the eyes, say hello, and say your name until do it every day till it becomes comfortable. And when that starts to feel normal, go back to that list of things that you love about you and tell yourself that. Like, I, uh look me in the eye in the mirror, and I can say, Hi, Diana. I smile and I say, I love you for your appreciation of flowers. And I’m not quick to look away. I take it in. I take that appreciation from myself. This is a small way to accept yourself in one moment. It doesn’t even take a lot of time, but it will make a huge impact in your journey of accepting you. You keep doing it. Keep looking yourself in the eye. Keep sharing what you love about you. All right, we talked about making a list of things you love about you. 


The next was talking to yourself in the mirror. The last thing I’m going to suggest to you is check in with yourself. Check in with yourself. So often, we’re going through the motions of each day. We don’t even pay attention to what we liked about the day, or what we thought throughout the day, or especially what emotions we were feeling. We m can get so busy that we get out of touch with our own experience. We’re just out of touch with ourselves, basically, like disconnected. We aren’t nurturing a relationship with ourselves. You can just think of it as the relationship with me. I need to nurture my relationship with me. So with this exercise, checking in with yourself, I recommend you grab a three by five index card or several cards and use them as a reminder to check in. One of my clients puts hers in a book on her nightstand so when it’s quiet at the end of the day, she can take a minute with herself. You could stick it on a mirror. You could put it in your car. It could be on your desk next to your favorite chair, wherever you feel comfortable, where you’ll feel safe to take a minute with yourself and ask yourself some questions. That’s a great place to put this three by five card. And I want you to write four questions to ask yourself. Now, these are just my ideas. You can ask yourself whatever questions you want, but start with these. If you’re not sure ways to check in, this is how you’re going to learn about you you’re going to take interest in you. You’re showing yourself that you’re valuable. You’re taking interest in you. You’re worth taking interest in. You’re accepted you matter. I think some people find this challenging when there is shame. So you might find this challenging. You might not want to talk to. I understand that. And if that’s the case, it’s okay. Try again the next day. Don’t give up on it. But you can make significant progress in accepting you when you nurture a relationship with you and you check in with you because you’ll be sharing with yourself the vulnerable areas of your life. And you need to trust you to not judge or shame you for your answers to the questions. 


So I recommend making a deal with yourself. You’re not going to use the answers to the questions to judge yourself further or shame yourself further. You’re just going to check in with you and accept whatever you share with yourself without judgment. Okay? All right, so the four questions that I recommend, they’re not difficult questions, but they might feel hard just because it might feel awkward to connect with yourself or to explore these places. But that’s okay. All right, here they are. Number one, what was the best emotion I felt today? Or ask actually, I would say this with you. I like to talk to you almost like myself, like I’m like, hey, Diana. And I say you. So let’s do that. What was the best emotion you felt today? Next question. What was the most painful emotion you felt today? Doesn’t have to be dramatic. Maybe the most painful emotion you felt was impatient or, I don’t know, annoyed for a minute but see what it was. Question three. What are you doubting about yourself today? Which might seem scary to admit what you’re doubting, but listen, you’re doing it anyway. You might as well notice it and talk to yourself about it. Question four. In what way did you feel confident about yourself today? I’ll give you a quick example of what this would look like by running through each question for me if I did it for myself. All right, number one what was the best emotion you felt today? Today I felt content. I learned to accept the snow again? Yes, snow. The white stuff on the ground instead of hating it. We had a winter storm this weekend and I felt content. 


Question two what was the most painful emotion you felt today? Today I felt inadequate. My business coach gave me some homework and I’ve been ignoring it. I feel inadequate. That was my most painful all right. Question three. What are you doubting about yourself today? Today I’m doubting that I will achieve my business goals this year. Now, the painful motion might not go along with your doubt, but a lot of times it does good to know I’m having doubt. I’m going to achieve my goals. All right. And question four. In what way did you feel confident about yourself today? Well, today I feel confident that I can navigate whatever happens during this flu season. Like, if anyone in my family gets sick in any way, whether it’s coronavirus or not, I can manage it. This was on my mind, and I feel confident in navigating it. All right. That was my example. All of it was fine. I can have some negative emotion. I can doubt myself. I can feel good. I can feel some confident in something. All of it. That’s me being human. I love all of this about me. I love it all. I love that I’m a human who doubts just as much as I’m a human who has confidence. This is me being me, and I’m choosing to be okay with me. And I hope that you will try these things and that you will be choosing to be okay with you however long the journey takes. When you choose to accept you as you are, you are letting go of shame and resentment. When you choose to accept you as you are, you grow compassion for yourself and all the people in your life. When you choose to accept you as you are, you are letting God’s unconditional love in, and you’re opening yourself up to spiritual and emotional growth like never before. This journey is worth doing. These exercises are a great start, but if you want help to feel better faster, and really take your mind renewal to the next level, I’m here to walk that journey with you. In fact, I just decided I’m doing a free event in February. If you’re on my email list, you’ll get notification of it. Or if you’re in the Renew your Mind Facebook group, you’ll get notification. So, um, make sure you’re in one of those so that you get the invite. I’m going to do a live event in February on accepting what is. We’re going to cover accepting what is around us in the world and with other people, and we’re going to be covering accepting what is about me, and we’re going to go deeper, and we’re going to do some work, and I will be there to help you. So make sure that you are in the Facebook group or on my email list. If you haven’t done that yet, go to rympodcast.com and you can join the Facebook group. There’s a link. There’s also a link to get weekly mind management tips. Either one of those and make sure that you are in the know and you don’t miss out on that. All right, y’all, that’s what I have for today, so I will catch you next week. Take care of you. 


As an advanced certified life coach, I help Christian women trying to live their best lives, but they still feel unsatisfied and stuck. I teach thought management skills that work so you can enjoy life again and step into who God has created you to be. Don’t forget to head on over to Rympodcast.com to get my free resources or a free coaching call.

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