Podcast Episode 83 – Stop Saying I’ll Try

Jul 3, 2023 | Podcast

I’m Diana Swillinger, and this is The Renew Your Mind podcast. Episode 83. Stop Saying I’ll Try. 

DIANA: Hey. Hey, everybody. What’s happening? Hey. Um, I’m sorry I didn’t put a podcast episode out last week, but I was busy hosting the Renew Your Mind Boot Camp, and it was amazing. It was an online event, and it was free. If you weren’t there, I don’t know why you weren’t there. It was open to anyone. It was amazing. And I taught my main coaching tool, the tool that’s changed my life, the tool that helps me feel better. The tool that can help you feel better. I shared all the components of it. I modeled how to use it. We practiced it together with the people who were there. I coached some people. It was just awesome. For those of you who were there, I’m so glad you were able to come and learn that tool in depth. And I hope you’re practicing it. If you’re not, print out another one and practice it. You need to practice it to get good at it. And if you missed it, if you didn’t hear about it, and, uh, if you feel left out again, I’m sorry. But you don’t have to miss out if you’re on my email list. So for sure, you need to get on my email list if you want to hear about things like this in the future, because I am going to do boot camp again in spring. 

Like last spring. I did it for five days. And I teach not just the mind shift tool that I taught this last time, but several other skills right out of my coaching program. And just because I like to give away stuff, I give away stuff, too. There’s prizes. Last time I gave away an iPad. So if you want to make sure that you don’t miss great opportunities to renew your mind, feel better, and even win prizes, you just need to get on the email list. So to do that it’s only one email a week, by the way. I’m not going to spam you. So to do that and make sure you don’t miss out and get some other practical mind renewal tips in your email box once a week, go to rympodcast.com and sign up for weekly mind management tips. Or if you decide to get the, um, free guide that I have on there to stop your negative thought loop, you’ll also get on the list that way. So either way or both, whatever, okay? Only go do it if you want to learn how to love your life every day. And if you don’t, no sweat, no problem. Okay, on to what we’re going to talk about today. I want to teach you another thought hack. You might be using some of the ones I’ve already taught on this podcast. Like instead of thinking I have to, you get to replace it with I choose to. Thinking I have to leads to overwhelm, panic, feeling burdened, stressed. But thinking I choose to leads to empowerment, desire, commitment, determination. So much better and more true, okay? Because the truth is we don’t have to do anything. We just get to choose. That’s what we’re really doing. That’s the truth of it. And it feels better. Another thought hack from a past episode is how to narrate what is happening in your life on purpose. 

Like our brain is always offering a narrative through our thoughts, but unintentional narration is having us feeling powerless much of the time. Like could sound like this, the car broke down again and my son is mad at me and life is so hard. These kind of thoughts unintentionally run in our head and narrate what’s happening around us. And the hack to make it intentional is to add a phrase like, and I had a whole episode about this phrase. This is the part where this is the part where the car breaks down. Do you notice how lighter, how much lighter that felt already? The car broke down again. Feels like despair, exasperation, disappointment, frustration versus this is the part where the car breaks down, it feels more neutral and it frees us up to go on to the next thought. Like, so I guess I’ll go get it repaired. Or I figured out last time and I’ll figure it out this time. This is the part where the car breaks down. I’ve done cars breaking down before, so let’s go do it again. And then emotions could be like empowered or peace or curious, determination. 

Whatever it is, we have room to move into something lighter and more productive instead of staying in frustration. So that’s a couple of thought hacks I’ve taught in the past. You can go back and listen to the past episodes to learn more about those. Today, I want to teach you another thought hack. And it’s to stop saying I’ll try. I’ll try. There’s two words I rarely use anymore. One of them is should and the other one is try. I find they just don’t serve me. I’ll try lacks the emotions that help me do what I want to do. Emotions like capable and confident. I’ll try leaves room for doubt because there’s silent, sneaky thoughts that I call dangling thoughts that kind of hang off of the phrase I’ll try. Like I’ll try but I’m not sure if I can do it. All these butts are the dangling thoughts. I’ll try, but it will be hard. I’ll try, but maybe someone else would be better at it. I’ll try, but I don’t know how to do it right. I’ll try, but it probably won’t be good enough. I’ll try, but I might fail. When we say I’ll try, we have those dangling thoughts sneaking in the background that we don’t even notice. And so we’ll often find excuses to not even try, or excuses to permit us to fail. 

One of the phrases that we hear a lot in our culture is when we invite someone to do something with us or to come to an event and they’ll reply, I’ll try to make it. I mean, seriously, when people say, I’ll try to make it, what do you think? You think they’re going to be there? You know what happens most of the time? People say, I’ll try to make it. The time comes and they have excuses. I’m too busy, I don’t really want to, it’s too far to drive. And their try is really a, uh, no, they have an excuse, I tried, but I wasn’t able to. Another one we hear a lot is, I’ll try to do my best. And I wonder, what is the point of saying I’ll try in a phrase like that? You’re either going to go do your best or you’re not. I don’t even know what that means. I’ll try to do my best. Why don’t you just go do your best? There’s a, uh, quote. I love using quotes from famous thought leaders, so I have one for you. The quote is do or do not, there is no try. And that famous thought leader is Yoda. 

Or maybe we’re supposed to credit George Lucas for that. I’m not sure who actually wrote it. So we’ll just say Yoda, do or do not. There is no try. Thank you, Yoda. I really agree with you. Saying I’ll try is very different from doing. Now, m, I know some of you are likely asking, but Diana, what if it’s something I’ve never done before? Well, I suppose I can give that one to you. So maybe we don’t have to totally eliminate I’ll try, but just use it for those things you’ve never done before. Like, I’ll try it and see if I like it. I’ve never had spam, I’ll try it, right? Or snowshoeing. I’ll try it and see if I like it. Or I’ll try it and see if it helps me. I’ll try and see if it’s for me and I like it. I’ll try and see if I’m good at it. So testing something out, go ahead and try it. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about when there’s things you want in your life, when there’s things that can improve your life, when there’s things that will help you grow. Like I weigh more than I used to and I’m feeling slower. I’m, um, not as energetic, then I want to improve my life or I want to be more energetic. Okay, but if I say I’ll try to lose weight. Is that going to do it? I’ll try. We’ll see. Not sure if I can do it, but I’ll try. I’m going to try. How does that sound? Are you convinced? It’s very different from saying I am going to lose weight. Okay, if we’re just saying I’m trying, maybe it works sometimes, right? We’ll say I try to lose weight and then we do. But what happens? We put it back on and we’re like, well, I tried. I tried to lose weight, I lost some weight, I didn’t lose it all or I put some back on. So I guess it didn’t work past the oreos. Uh, what I’m saying here is when we go into something like that with the mindset that we’re trying, it doesn’t really have any punch to it. It doesn’t create emotions that have us doing and succeeding instead of trying as usual. 

I looked it up in the dictionary. Trying means to attempt. That’s it. It’s a starter. It’s not a finisher. It’s an attempt. If you really want to close the deal, if you want to finish, I don’t think try will get you there. Just in my field as a life coach, I’ve observed people around me, I’ve watched dozens of others try to start life coaching businesses. But they struggle because they’re stuck in the trying mode. They’re attempting, they’re not doing. And I thank God I got some amazing advice from one of my coaches soon after I started my business. She told me the only reason she was able to create a very successful coaching business is because she did not stop. She said she had seen lots of other coaches try. They started, but then they stopped. I mean, it kind of is like trying it out, right? When we just try something, I’ll just try it. It’s very non committal. I knew right then and there that I was not going to try to create a successful coaching business. Instead, I said, I will create a successful coaching business, I will. And uh, because I thought that I did, I really prefer the word will for things I want to finish. Try is not going to get me there. Try is dabbling. I will try to do it. I’ll try. 

Just take out try and you’ve got I’ll do it and then you do. Thank you. Yoda, there is no try. Just do if you want to get it done. This mind shift, this thought hack, allowed me to create an amazing business all by myself. Wasn’t easy, but I never said I should do it or I’ll try to do it. I said I will. I will create a successful business. And so I did. Now when someone asks me if I’m going to be somewhere mhm, I never say I’ll try to make it. I decide if I’m going to be there. And I say I will. I will come or I will not. I will be there or I will not be there. I don’t need to try. I’m either going to do it or I’m not. When I go for a walk, I don’t say I’m going to try to go for a walk. I wonder what that would be like, this walking thing. I’m trying it. I’m stumbling. Or I say, I am going for a walk. I don’t say I’m going to try to walk for 4 miles. I say, I’m going to walk for 4 miles. Trying often has me turning around early saying, I’m going to do it. I’m going to walk 4 miles. I complete it. Another word instead of will is to say, am. I am doing it. I am the word try, it just leaves room to fail. It signals your brain you might try and not be successful. It leaves it totally open. And then it goes to work to find ways our brain wants to conserve energy and pursue pleasure. Okay? 

Usually the things we want to do that will improve our lives, they will take some effort and they might be a little uncomfortable. And if you go into it saying, I’ll try, your brain is going to look for all the reasons why you should stop trying. When I was a kid, I wanted to be able to water ski. And I, uh, don’t think I ever once thought I’ll try to ski. I’ll try it. I can only imagine what trying would have gotten me. Maybe a few failed attempts, and then I’d be like, well, I tried. I guess I can’t ski. Instead, I told my dad I am going to ski, and he showed me how. And I did fall a few times before I was successful, but I did not stop. Why would I stop? Why would I stop when I said, I am going to ski? I didn’t ski yet. I fell. But because I decided I am going to ski, I kept going until I skied. It didn’t take long, and I was doing exactly what I said I was going to do. I don’t know what it is you want to do or what you want to get or what you want to achieve, but if you really want it to become a reality, I really suggest to stop saying I’ll try and just say, I will do it, or I am doing it, and then go get it done. All right. Now, don’t try to remember to sign up for my mind management tips to make sure you’re on my email list and get notices of my events like the boot camp. Because if you try to remember, you probably won’t remember. So if you want to make sure you don’t miss out on all the opportunities to take your mind renewal journey further, go sign up@rympodcast.com. I will do it. All right, y’all, that’s it for today. So I will catch you next week. Take care, you. 

As an advanced certified life coach, I help Christian women trying to live their best lives, but they still feel unsatisfied and stuck. I teach thought management skills that work so you can enjoy life again and step into who God has created you to be. Don’t forget to head on over to Rympodcast.com to get my free resources or a free coaching call.

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