Podcast Episode 93 – Don’t Change a Thing

Jul 3, 2023 | Podcast

I’m Diana Swillinger, and this is The Renew Your Mind podcast. Episode 93 Don’t Change a Thing. 

DIANA: Hey. Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the renew your Mind podcast. You know why this podcast exists? I don’t know if I’ve said it for a while, so I’ll say it now. This podcast exists because of women like you. Because of women like me, women who love God. And we are trying to do our best. We’re trying to be a good Christian, lead a decent life, be a good person. We’re trying to do things right, but we still feel miserable. And from that place, we’re like, what the uh hey. We’re wondering why we’re struggling to feel joy, why we’re worrying instead of having peace. And we wonder why. Why do I not feel content? Why can’t I have some joy? Why am I not happy? However you say it, this podcast exists because the reason we do everything right but we still feel icky is because no one has taught us how to practically renew our minds. We do this by thinking new things. We do this by thinking differently. The secret reason or not so secret now, the reason you’re feeling icky is because you’re thinking thoughts that make you feel icky. So the way to feel better is to be thinking thoughts that create better feeling emotions. 

One of the things we all struggle with, at least from time to time, but for many of us, it’s day in and day out is discontentment. We all struggle with moments or days or years of discontentment. So what does it mean to be discontent? I’m going to explain this, but then I’m going to tell you how you can feel content, but you don’t need to change a thing to do so. All right, so first, being discontent, what does that mean? It means you have a lack of satisfaction. It means you are not feeling much gratitude. It means you’re not feeling much pleasure. It means you’re not okay with the way things are. Or it means you’re restless or hopeless or not pleased. And in even more plain terms, we feel discontent when we think things like, someday I’ll feel better. Life is so hard. I guess this is it. I guess this is my life. I don’t like my life. I don’t care anymore. 

This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. What’s the point? And on and, um on. So if you are having thoughts like that, I’m pretty sure you’re feeling discontent. Good news is, it’s really common. It’s what our brains do? I don’t know. I think we’re programmed to think we’re supposed to have amazing lives. I think this could be part of our longing for eternity where everything will actually be okay. We’re supposed to long for that. Okay, so I guess it’s kind of normal. But the problem comes when we do what we do when we’re not feeling content. What we usually do is we try to change things around us. We try to change people. We try to change circumstances. We try to change ourselves. Not good enough. And we think we cannot be content unless those changes happen. I’m telling you, this is a huge problem in our relationships. It’s a huge reason we’re so dissatisfied in relationships. When we think the other person needs to do this, the other person needs to think that the other person should say things differently so that I can be content. It’s as if we’re saying, hey person, I want you to change so I can be happy. Got it. Now fall in line. But you know, if we could just change the people, I would tell you how to change the people. But honestly, if you really thought deeper into that, if all the people could just behave the way you wanted to so you could be happy, it’d probably feel kind of empty. 

Also, when we think we could be more content if the other person changed, we are putting our own emotional well being into the hands of that person that we think needs to change. And we completely disempower ourselves. We take away our ability to be content on our own. And when you do that, you’re never going to be content. Because I promise you, every single person is going to fail to act in the exact specific way that you think they need to in order for you to be happy. And I’m telling you amazing news. The people around you do not need to change for you to be content. The circumstances around you do not need to change for you to be content. And guess what? You, you do not need to change for you to be content. How is that possible? Well, what is contentment? 

Contentment is a feeling. Contentment is an emotion. So if you want to feel content, you need to know how to generate that emotion within you. Our emotions, they’re just a physiological response that happens in our body that is created by our brain, by our own brains. Contentment is not created within you from someone else’s brain. They might be able to create contentment for themselves, but they cannot create it for you. It is not possible. Our emotions are not created by things happening around us or events either. Think about it. Let’s say you’re sleeping and while you’re sound asleep, someone steals your car out of your driveway. What do you feel when that happens? Nothing. Because you’re asleep. You’re not feeling any emotion from your car being stolen out of your driveway, you’re asleep. In fact, you might even wake up hours later, grab a cup of coffee, take a shower, start your day. And you still don’t have any feelings about your car that was stolen in the middle of the night. Why? Because you haven’t thought about it yet. The car being stolen caused no emotions for you at all. But then you decide to take the trash out. And when you get to the driveway, you see your car is missing. Then when your brain starts to think about that, you start having emotions. 

You might think, My car is gone. Where is it? And you’ll feel confused and worried. Or you realize, um, it’s stolen. Right? You go through all the things that could have happened. Nobody from your family took it, whatever. The neighbor saw somebody with a mask on in the middle of the night, and so you call the cops and you know it was stolen. And then you think, I can’t believe this happened to me. How dare they do that? How dare someone come take my car? It’s not okay. And then you feel angry or a whole bunch of emotions, but they’re all happening because of the thoughts you’re having. If you were still in your bed, asleep, not thinking about it yet, you would not feel any of those emotions. The car being gone didn’t cause them. The situation didn’t cause them. It’s when your thoughts started to happen that you start to have the emotions. It’s the thoughts in your brain that create emotions. We do care about things. And because you care, you might still end up being angry, right? 

Because you’re going to have thoughts that it’s not fair, and you think it’s morally wrong or whatever, but you don’t have to stay there. You could think different thoughts if you want to. I mean, you could think, it’s okay, my insurance will take care of it, and then not feel any worry, and you could feel peace instead if you’re the kind of person who really believes that, you can think that and feel better. I’ve kind of experienced this. I mean, my car wasn’t stolen, but a couple of years ago, my oldest son got into a fender bender. And a few years before that, even, I would have for sure felt afraid and worried and anxious. But, uh, I had gotten so much better at that point by managing my mind, because I’d been a life coach for a few years. And so I could kind of see all the options of what my brain could think. And I thought things more like, we have insurance. He’s okay. His neck hurts, but he can see a chiropractor. Everything’s going to be okay. And I believed it. I felt content every step of the way with that car accident, dealing with insurance, helping him get to the chiropractor, getting, uh, a check, having to buy a new car. I just felt totally content the whole time. It wasn’t a problem. 

Honestly, even if the insurance didn’t come through or my son’s neck didn’t get better quickly, I would have kept thinking, everything’s going to be okay. And as long as I believed it, I could have peace and I could be content with the way things were. We think we need to change things to be content, but I think we’re wrong about that. We don’t need to change a thing to be content. Well, I mean, there’s one thing, the only thing we need to change, and it’s not anything around us or, uh, outside of us. It’s just internal. And that’s how we think. Just change that, but don’t change anything else. If you think your husband needs to change so you can be happy, guess what, you’re wrong about that. Your husband can be exactly who he is, and you can be content. If you think your boss has to change for you to be content at your job, you’re wrong about that. Your boss can stay bossy, uh, or however your boss is. They don’t need to change. And you can be content if you think your child needs to act differently for you to be content as their parents, you’re wrong about that. You can be content no matter what that child does. If you think you need more money or more things or a vacation or some better circumstances around you to be content, I’m telling you you’re wrong about that. You can be content without changing a thing. Because contentment does not come from changing things or changing people. 

Contentment only comes when you’re willing to change your thought. I had an amazing coaching call this week with someone that is going through a difficult transition. And we talked through how she could be confident through all of it, even though she doesn’t know what’s going to happen next or how a person will treat her and all these other details about this transition. It was feeling a bit overwhelming for her. So I wanted to help her stay grounded in truth that could help her feel contentment even when things were unknown or really hard or seemed out of control. The truth was, she didn’t need to change a thing about her situation and she did not need to change anyone else to feel the way she wanted to feel. And we talked about if she could feel confident in it and what that meant. And she thought if she was confident, she would feel more feelings, but she would feel capable and equipped and assured. And I saw it immediately, everything she needed. When you can feel capable, when you can feel equipped, when you can feel assured, you can feel content. I mean, we were talking about confidence, but it’s the same for content. What she wanted was fully available all the time, regardless of the circumstances. She didn’t see it at the beginning of our call, but ah, she saw it at the end. And that’s okay, by the way, it’s hard to see when we’re in the thick of it. It’s hard to see for ourselves. But let me point it out to you or let someone else point it out to you. Or see it on this call. See it on this episode. This is why I want to keep showing all this stuff to you. So you can see it and so you can learn to see it. So this client wanted to feel capable. So I asked, have you heard the verse, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me? And she said, yeah. By the way, it’s in Philippians four, which I often refer to after Paul tells us how to think. Then he says, after that, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. So I asked her, you believe this? And she said yes. So I said, Then you know you’re m capable. Then I asked, you want to feel equipped, right? Well, have you heard that God will provide for all your needs? And I mean all the things that you actually need, not the things that you think you need? Do you believe that God will provide for what you truly need? And she said, yeah. I said, well, then you’re equipped and assured. She wanted to feel assured. I asked, have you heard that our God will work all things together for our good? 

Like all things, everything we go through, good and bad, and in between, he works all of it together for, uh, our good. Do you know that? And she said yes. I asked, do you believe that? She said yes. Then be assured, feel assured, and in that with all of that, if we believe all of that, if we embrace it, if we rest in it, and we’re okay with all of that, we can be content and we don’t need to change a thing. I’ve heard many psychologists and life coaches teach about getting healthy right where you’re at before you move on. And I have to say I pretty much agree with that. I think getting healthy right where you are at is made possible by being okay with where you’re at in the first place without changing anything. I’m here in this situation with these people, with this life, okay, I’m okay with that. And from that place, by embracing all God offers us to feel capable and equipped and assured. We can make wise decisions from that place about where we want to go in the future. Being content doesn’t mean don’t ever change anything. You can change whatever you want to change, but the best and wisest changes are going to be made from a place of healthy thinking and contentment. 

Don’t do it the other way around. Don’t change things or try to change things in order to feel content. You’re going to be disappointed every time because the source of your contentment is not going to come from managing the external. It only comes from managing the internal and partnering with God and all of his amazing supply that he has for us day after day after day from that place. Change whatever you want to in your life. I mean, you can’t change people, but you can change some situations and do something different if you want. You can get a different job, or you can, um, spend less time with your kid or save up more money. Or there’s things you can do if you want to, but do them from a place of already feeling content. And if you want more help implementing all this goodness into your life so you can have more joy, more hope, more peace, not to worry. I’m here for you. 

There’s lots of ways you can learn more and get the help and guidance that you’re wanting so you can start feeling better today. Why wait? So if you’re done waiting for that, head on over to Rympodcast.com to find all of the resources that are available. Um, by the way, I took a break from doing some free webinars. I do them somewhat regularly, but over the holidays I took a break. I don’t have them scheduled on my calendar yet, but they are coming back soon, including this spring. I am going to bring back the five day Renew Your Mind Boot camp, which is super fun. Last year, I had a few hundred women show up for that, and we had so much amazing stuff happen in prizes. And it was a great week. Only an hour and a half a day. People came as they could. 

Anyway, information is going to be coming on that. I’m still working on getting it all in my calendar, but if you don’t want to miss a thing, make sure you’re receiving my weekly emails, because that’s where I announce every opportunity first. You’ll never miss anything as long as you’re getting that sign up at Rympodcast.com all right, y’all, that’s it for today, so I will catch you next week. Until then, take care of you. 

As an advanced certified life coach, I help Christian women trying to live their best lives, but they still feel unsatisfied and stuck. Uh, I teach thought management skills that work so you can enjoy life again and step into who God has created you to be. Don’t forget to head on over to Rympodcast.com to get my free resources or a free coaching call.

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