Three Ways to Upgrade Your Thoughts

Aug 14, 2019 | Emotional Health

Here’s the deal. Every problem you have in your life right now is because of your thinking.

If you don’t quite believe me, for today, let’s just imagine I am right. Your thoughts are creating all your problems.

So if that is true, what can you do about it?

You want to get solving for this right away, don’t you?


Here are three ways you can upgrade your thoughts today.


#1 Understand it’s not about YOU.


When you were a baby, you knew nothing else but your own experience. Your baby brain thought all life happened for you. You got fed, taken care of, held, changed, coddled. It really was all about you.


As you got older, you were told to think about other people instead. And you tried. But you still go around life judging everything and everyone in ways that confirm they are not doing it YOUR way. The right way. For you. To meet YOUR needs.


Reality check. It’s not always all about YOU.


When your partner yells, a kid talks back, a driver on the road flips you off… that’s about them.


If someone yells at you, they are having thoughts that make it hard for them to manage their emotions. That is about them.


If a child talks back to you, that is because they are testing their boundaries, trying to meet their own needs or desires, struggling with their own thoughts about equity or fairness. That is about them. Not you.


If a driver on the road flips you off when you accidentally cut them off (Ahem. Uh. I might have been the cutter offer in this scenario more than once. Sorry if that was you!), it is because that driver is having their own thoughts about the situation, their own frustration, their own thoughts about being offended. It truly is about them. If they aren’t forgiving or calm, that is about them, not you.


My big sister used to say “Let them.” If someone wants to think something, do something, say something, whatever… Let them.


How gracious of us to let others own their own thoughts and emotions. Let them. Let it be about them, not you, and experience more peace, grace, and understanding.



#2 Stop beating yourself up mentally.


You know that voice in your head.


“You messed up!”

“Your stomach is too big.”

“You look like hell.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“You aren’t good enough.”


That voice in your head is lying to you, girl. I am serious.


It’s a screwy game where your brain thinks if you beat yourself up first, then it won’t hurt when someone else lays into you, or lets you down, or leaves you.


You brain is trying to beat the potential future pain you MIGHT feel to the punch. Your brain thinks if you feel like crap now then it won’t hurt so much later.


This brain game doesn’t work! I am sure there is some fancy psychology behind why our brains do this, but I am here to tell you to stop beating yourself up.




It can take some time to learn to stop. But, you can make significant progress right now if you start telling yourself “I love you.”


Do this. Each day, whenever you look at yourself in the mirror, say, “I love you, (insert your name), and I know you are doing your best.”


Love yourself. God does. I do. Now you do it! And cut yourself some slack! You are doing your best.



#3 Realize everything is a choice.


So many women tell me all the things they HAVE to do.


“I have to make dinner for the family.”

“I have to work to pay the bills.”

“The laundry has to get done every week.”

“I have to have sex with my husband.”

“I have to lose weight.”




You HAVE to? You HAVE to pay the bills?  Who is forcing you to do this and how?


You don’t have to do any of it. You are CHOOSING to do it. And you have a reason too.


You choose to make the family dinner because that is the kind of mom/wife you want to be. The kind that makes family dinner time or healthy food important.

You choose to pay the bills because you love having electricity, a house, and a cell phone.

You choose to do the laundry because you enjoy having clean clothes and towels.

You have sex with your husband because you want to show up in your relationship this way, to bond, for him to feel value, you think sex is important.

You desire to lose weight so you can feel better, be healthier, look different.


You choose to do all these things, or not (and you have a reason for that too.) But you don’t have to do any of them. They are all a choice. Own your choice and start letting go of resentment.



There you have it. Three things you can start doing immediately to upgrade your thinking.


If you practice these daily, you will start to:

  • reduce the stress and anxiety you create with your thoughts
  • move away from drama to peace
  • feel more satisfied with the life you have today
  • create more room for positive thinking
  • sleep better (I love this benefit of upgraded thinking. Zzzzzz……)


Who doesn’t want all of that?


As always, drop a comment below, send me an email, sign up for a totally free, no obligation, coaching session with me… Do whatever you need to do to start creating an amazing life today! No more excuses.


If you like this article, check out “It’s Okay if People Are Wrong About You,” or “How to Stop Worrying.



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